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a simplified guide to sexualities

  • homosexual:

    sexually attracted to homer simpson

  • pansexual:

    gets off to various kitchen utensils

  • asexual:

    gets turned on by the first letter of the latin alphabet

  • demisexual:

    sexually attracted to you if and only if your blood is half divine

  • bisexual:

    can only have sex with two people ever. choose wisely

  • heterosexual:

    can only be satisfied by macklemore

  • ========

  • Holy Shit! The last one scared the bejesus out of me....

  • :

    I read it initially as, "heterosexual: can only be satisfied by michaelmoore." which is far worse....

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